Well,finally I´m here.Since I read my friends blog,dante,I thought that I should do this for my own too.Thanks to Dante,Gregor,whatever,anyway.
Well..I don´t really know what to write for my first post,´cause I have to do some training,it´s not that easy for me to write in English than in German.Anyway,my first thought,when I made the choice to write a webblog,was,that I just hate my class.I just wanted to write that.
In four years of fucking school (the first four grades in primary school weren´t that fucked up),I recognized,that you can´t really trust people.I´m sorry if I´m writing like dante,but the human race is something you can´t describe,because even if you would take the worst words,you couldn´t describe it like the way it is.
Four years.In this four years I met 3 or 4 people,I really like,2 or 3 I like not that good as the other ones,and I met 20 people,which were absolutly stupid.So,you see,I hate up to 60% of my class,because you can´t live together with people like them.You want to meet them?Trust me,you don´t want to.
Anyway,I hate my class.Special thanks to my friends Christian,Gregor,Bene,Thomas...and those 2,3 other.You saved me from jumping out of the window.
I know,I´m just writing trash,but it feels very good to see this all on "paper",so everybody can read it.Yes,if someone of this class I don´t like looks at this..Fuck you.
So,with my first post finished,I think I´m feeling better than before writing it..Next one is coming very soon,I think...
Another horrible school day,but I think,I´m just getting tired of this.Maybe that´s in my nature,I´m closing my soul against this idiots,but in this case,I´m just getting tired of them.Ignore them-That´s the best solution,my friend dante already said that months before,but I didn´t want to hear to him.Mistake,yes,I know,I´m sorry,but now I know better.Thanks.
My days are getting very lonely sometimes..I think I need a warm,soft woman beside me,which purrs when I stroke her.Yeah,Ernest Hemingway greets us all.In my definition,the best sort of women/girls is that one,which is like a cat.All men (Those,I met already) like cats.And me too.
I imagine to have a woman beside me,female warmth.In cold winter days just like this today,this could be one of my dreams.It´s sad,that not all dreams are getting real.But as my friend dante (Yes,I know that he´s called very often in here) said :"One time,you´ll find your own girl too."-Hard to believe,but now I believe him.
Yeah,he´s one of the few persons,which are not my parents,who I believe.There aren´t much people I trust,and without him,I don´t think I could carry on living in this world.Yes,I´m repeating myself.But I don´t care about this..
But enough of this.In the last few weeks I wanted to start a riot..Inspired by the IRAs doing in Northern Ireland,I want to tell the police in Vienna,that Vienna isn´t the island of the lucky people.I think I have to grow a lil´bit,before I can do this,and then I will have a little visit at Belfast.
Then we can start our fucking riot.
So,with a warm greet,and ´till then,
Sometimes I feel like I´m a very,very big idiot.Like in this moment,as I just had a look at the deepest grounds of mankind.Syphilis doesn´t sound very funny,but after looking at the article on wikipedia,I know better.It isn´t funny.I hope I won´t get any of this morbids.
So,that´s enough of cruel things.I dunno what to write,because in the last days my life seemed (for one of the first times since my 10th birthday) not that bad,as it is all the time.It´s good to have friends,you know..The only thing I really really hate is my teacher,but I don´t think that will interest you.Even if there are not that much persons in here.
I would like to talk about my friend Kadaj,Chrissi,whatever.I don´t remember his name,my brain isn´t the best one.To bad he had to go for one week since yesterday,every day with him was awesome.No,he wasn´t here in Vienna,but it still is a pleasure to see the green signe behind his ICQ-name.It makes my day a little better everytime.
Yeah,as you know,I don´t have much friends,I really like,and I don´t know if they´re happy if I like them,but I simply want to have someone I can hang on.I need someone to hang on,because I don´t think I could handle my live without any friends.Sure I could,sure I would live on,but my life would seem a lot more lonely.My friends would leave an empty space.
For every person in the world,there is a tiny treasure,which waits for the owner.Sometimes you need your whole life to find it,and sometimes you find it very early.But I´m sure,you´ll find it.And with that treasure,your life becomes much lighter.It´s on you,how long the light will flush through your flesh (Wordgame),but this treasure can make you happy for a long,or even a short time.
And I´m sure,I´ll find my treasure too.I just have too look for it.And mybe I´ve found it already,because my friends are my treasure.Who knows..
So I´ll go to sleep and wish you all a very good night,
Once again I have to give up one of my beloved friends..I can´t take it anymore to be the idiot all the time.My friend,I can forgive..I´m able to forget things,but I can´t change things.I still hope you don´t forget the time we had together,but since today I´m not sure if I have a place in your life anymore..I don´t think so.
There were 3 1/2 lucky years,but it was YOUR wish to cut the band of brothers between us.We were best friends you told me,only 2 months ago..I was blindet,but I think I failed to see the signes of time.I dunno what happend with you,I dunno why you´re know that kind of guy,I thought you would never be.
Maybe,I did mistakes,many of them,but you have to know,that you were always one of my best friends..I think,you were my best friend..How lucky I could be,if I could make thinks unhappen..But I don´t have the power to live on in this way.For now on,it´s your way,not ours,and I wish you luck to manage your life,without losing more of your friends.Yes,you need luck to manage that.
All I can say is,that you should find a good doctor.I can´t help you with your problems,you don´t want to,but you should go into a hospital,or talk to someone whos job is to help people like you.Maybe it´s just the age,that makes you that crazy..But from now on,there is one soul less in your world.
There is a song,called NEMO by Nightwish,and the refrain really touches my heart,since I´m listening to it all the time I´m writing this text...
Oh how I wish for soothing rain
All I wish is to dream again
My loving heart,lost in the dark
For hope I´d give right everything..